omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
