someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize