I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
