My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
