I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize