No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
