My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
