he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
