he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
