i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
