just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
