just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
