i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
