He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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