i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
