Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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