it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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