two words: eviction party
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
