I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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