I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
