Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
