i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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