Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
