This is not my ceiling
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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