i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So vagazzling was a success
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
