Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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