I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
