Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The best revenge is premature balding
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
