U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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