It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
