So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
