Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
