a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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