arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
