i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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