we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
