i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
