we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
