i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
