I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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