Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
