You smell like stripper and shame
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
