We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
