Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
