Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize