My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
