she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
