okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
