You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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