I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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