we have pet lesbian snakes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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