I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
