Define "chronic" masturbator.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
