I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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