mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
