He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
