i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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