Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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