Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
