We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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