I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
