nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
