I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let's get the cat blown out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
