I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
