I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
