Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
