bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
