As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
