I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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