I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
