Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
