I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize