Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
