WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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