My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
