3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
