we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
