do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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